I am a rubbish friend

My name is Stephanie. And I am a rubbish friend.

There. I've said it out loud. A thought which has been on my mind a lot at the moment.


Today I replied to a friend's text message. She'd originally texted me two days ago. I often forget to reply at all.

On Saturday, a babysitting mix up meant that I missed a friend's 30th birthday party. I couldn't make her party last year either.

I never call my friends 'just to chat' anymore. The rare times I do they'd be lucky to hear anything other than my children shouting or me telling Ollie not to climb on the sofa.

I forget birthdays all the time. Or I remember but forget to post the card.

My kids always seem to get sick when I'm most looking forward to going for a night out. Or I'd love to go but just can't afford it.

And I'm sorry. Truly I am. I could make excuses about how I'm exhausted after running around after two children, how I don't get time to pee alone, let alone make a phone call. I can explain how hard it is to get a decent babysitter without bankrupting myself. But that wouldn't change anything.


The thing is, unless you're a friend that I see regularly at Mum's groups, or you're willing to pin me down and make me put a date in the diary, it's easy for the time to fly past. One minute you're visiting me at home with a newborn baby in my arms, the next minute we're meeting for coffee after dropping the kids off at school. Secondary school.

If I'm honest, I wouldn't want to be friends with me right now. Even if you're 'lucky' enough to arrange a meeting (then the babysitter turns up, the kids are well and I'm not totally skint) it's likely that all I'll be able to talk about is just how tired I am - if I'm awake enough to talk at all. Other topics include Lily, Ollie, housework (laundry in particular) and sleep.

I am considerate enough to try not to yawn in your face. But I often fail.

You may think that bribing me with alcohol would work. A catch up with friends and a large glass of wine always go well together. But my tolerance for hard drinks has been eroded after a combined few of years of pregnancy and breastfeeding. Any prolonged exposure to alcoholic beverages now leaves me very tipsy or, you guessed it, asleep.

And don't forget, I don't drive, so you usually have to be willing to come to mine or pick me up!

But.

Although I may be really crap in our friendship right now, I want you to know that you are amazing.

I want to tell you that I stalk your facebook profile in the dead of night (sounds creepy, but it's only because I'm up with a teething baby).

I want to tell you that I appreciate your patience, your ongoing interest in me and my little family - even when we're not that interesting.

I want you to know that I treasure the memories of all the amazing, fun and hilarious times we've had together. That I look forward to a time when we can make more.

I want to tell you that I often see things that make me think of you. And every time I think of you I smile.

I want you to know that I love you. I'm always here if you need me. You're always welcome in my home for a hug and a cup of lukewarm tea.

I'm Stephanie, and I am a crap friend. But you? You are a great friend. Thank you!

Rhyming with Wine 3 Little Buttons

18 comments:

  1. Stephanie
    Great insights and your a wonderful Mum that what counts
    Maxine

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  2. Really enjoyed this post. I too am a truly, truly, probably even worse than you, crap friend.

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    1. Glad you liked it! I'm surprised at how many other people say they're a crap friend too! xx

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  3. Oh yes! At least my friends with kids get it. But to be fair I was pretty useless even before I had a kid.

    #fartglitter

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    1. Haha! Good point! I've always been a bit rubbish I guess, it's just much worse now. xx

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  4. I am totally nodding along like 'yes' sounds like me. I was the first of my friends to have kids and they used o call and still want me to chat for hours and it was so hard, I felt so bad and so torn. Once my bestie had kids it was such a relief that she finally couldn't talk for hours, I know that sounds terrible of me, but it was so hard not trying to offend people who didn't get what it was like to have kids. Now mine are a little older my social life has greatly improved and being a good friend is easier. The best thing about your best friends is even if time passes quickly when you get together its like the old days still. #fartglitter

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    1. I'm glad it's not just me! I get exactly what you mean about being a relief for other friends to have kids, I'm still waiting for many of mine to start but I know I'll feel better when they 'get it'. xx

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  5. What a small world! I wrote and linked up just after you a post about friendship and how I miss a friend. I feel I am not always here for here, especially since I am a mummy... Don't be too harsh on yourself. I am sure it's the same for everyone. #DreamTeam

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    1. It is so nice to know it isn't just me! If I'm going to be rubbish, at least I'm in good company! xx

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  6. It's so rubbish to miss out on stuff, but unless you are going to take your kids along with you to a gig (not appropriate) or to a mega binge drinking sesh (really not appropriate), you just have to. Your real friends will understand and probably be feeling the same (if not now, then one day!). It's OK :-) #DreamTeam

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    1. Exactly! My friends are truly amazing and supportive, but I still wish I could do more! xx

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  7. I think so many mums can completely relate to your post. I am sure your friends wouldn't consider you a crap friend though X #dreamteam

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    1. Thank you! It does seem like a lot of mums do relate to this! Lol, they might not say it to my face but I'm sure they think it sometimes! xx

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  8. I think so many mums can completely relate to your post. I am sure your friends wouldn't consider you a crap friend though X #dreamteam

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  9. A true friend is one where you pick up where you left off - however long that interval may be... #fartglitter

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  10. I love this and I often feel just the same...the days whizz by and I receive texts and have to put the phone right back down to chase my toddler. I know it sound cliche but the true friends are the ones where months later nothing has changed, they'll always be there. Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

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