I'm fed up of all the crap.
Not politics, celebrities and general modern life crap.
But actual crap. Poo. Shit. Feces.
Some days it seems like it's all my toddler wants to talk about.
Let's face it, most days it's all I seem to end up talking about!
I'm not by far the most ladylike or prudish person. Usually a bit of low-brow toilet humour makes me chuckle. But having gone a few weeks where Lily's answer to everything is "poo" I'm beginning to feel a little bit tired of hearing about poop.
Yesterday Lily told me she was going to cook me poo for dinner.
If I ask her something, the answer is (nearly) always "POO!".
She stops to point out all the dog poo on our walk to nursery. There and back.
And then I spend a good half hour ranting to my Mum about the inconsiderate
prats members of society who refuse to pick up after their dogs. (Seriously, it's a real issue in this area).
Then today, Lily talked about poo for the whole of our walk to the bus stop.
"Look Mummy! That poo is orange! I never knew you could get orange poo. That's disgusting. Look at it Mummy!"
"Mummy, you know that poo was orange, can you get pink poo?"
"What about blue poo?"
She could not be swayed from the topic. I confirmed that you cannot, as far as I know, get pink or blue poo but she then proceeded to ask about all colours of fecal matter.
"White poo?! That's silly Mummy! Like ice cream?"
I am not cut out for this. When I gave birth to my darling little girl I imagined all that would come, the girly days, miles of pink fabric, tantrums and hundreds of sparkly tiaras... If I dreamed of our conversations I expected us to be chatting about books, ponies, fairies, mermaids, unicorns, spaceships, cars, science...
Anything except endless questions about crap.
"Do all dogs have orange poo?"
How am I supposed to know?! Is it not bad enough that I have to dodge the damn stuff four times as day.
And don't even get me started on nappies.
"Mummy! It smells like a poo is bursting out of his bum!"
I sometimes feel like my life is just one sh**ty occurrence to another. But do I really have to talk about it?